Desserts

Hairy Bikers Christmas pudding is a dark suet pudding of sultanas, prunes, glacé cherries and candied peel, soaked overnight in rum, stout or Marsala. And it steams for 3½ hours, then at least 2 more on the day, giving 8 portions of about 540 calories from British Classics. For Si and Dave, “Christmas isn’t Christmas …

No one ever grumbles about a crumble, as they put it, and this is their classic. Hairy Bikers apple crumble uses four eating apples and two Bramleys with 50g of flaked almonds in the topping, comes from British Classics, and serves six at about 490 calories. They call apple the classic and their personal favourite, …

Soggy is what usually goes wrong with rhubarb, and Hairy Bikers rhubarb crumble deals with it in one line: a tablespoon of cornflour tossed in with the fruit. The recipe is in Perfect Pies, uses 750g of rhubarb with stem ginger, and serves six at about 465 calories. They flag the cornflour themselves as a …

The fruit goes into Hairy Bikers apple and blackberry crumble in layers, not mixed together. Half the apples, a third of the cinnamon sugar, then all 300g of blackberries, then the rest of the apples on top. It comes from Mums Know Best, serves six and works out at 586 calories a portion. Si and …

A kilo of fresh plums goes into Hairy Bikers plum crumble raw and quartered, tossed in mixed spice, cinnamon and the zest and juice of an orange. The recipe is in Perfect Pies, bakes for 45 minutes at 200°C and serves six to eight at about 400 calories. They say crumbles are among their very …

Wrapped in pleated paper and foil, twisted at the ends like a Christmas cracker, the Hairy Bikers jam roly poly bakes inside its own parcel. What comes out is a risen suet sponge with jam spiralled through every slice. British Classics keeps it to “simple store-cupboard ingredients”, just flour, suet, sugar, milk and jam. Si …

A custard tart is the plainest bake in the British repertoire, and the Hairy Bikers custard tart keeps it that way on purpose. Crisp pastry, silky vanilla cream and a roof of grated nutmeg, and nothing else gets in. Brilliant Bakes jokes that it is “much too good for throwing at anybody”, a wink at …

Rhubarb and custard usually means a bowl and a jug, but this Hairy Bikers rhubarb and custard tart rebuilds the pairing in pastry. Each of the eight slices carries about 590 calories from British Classics, and the fridge handles most of the four and a half hours. The book calls this “a tart to be …

Proper rice pudding needs a brown skin on top, and this Hairy Bikers recipe grows one in the oven. Brilliant Bakes gives it two and a half hours at low heat, so six servings cost about 370 calories and almost no effort. Si writes that his mam “made proper rice pudding like this, always with …

Four egg whites become a crisp shell with a soft middle in this Hairy Bikers pavlova, so the texture is the whole point. Mums Still Know Best serves six with cream and berries, at about 530 calories in two and a half hours. “Is it from New Zealand? Is it from Australia? Who cares? It …